Friday, September 19, 2008

I feel like I have cheated this week

This is a major recovery week. That being the case, I feel like I have not done anything. Yes we ran 5 miles the other night, I walked 2.5 last night, running 2 or 3 today then gearing up for 18.something tomorrow. I feel like I have been cheating and skipping something. I have just been darn lazy this week.

Last night me, Pam, John, Tamara and Kay decided to walk and take it easy before our race on Saturday. We get 1/2 mile into it and I look at Pam and say "I feel like I am cheating". I know we are supposed to recover. I know that it is a very important part of our training and it is important in any ones training. So make sure your taking time to recover so you don't get hurt! But why do I feel so guilty for not running everyday or doing something? I am sure tomorrow I will be glad that I took the time off.

Tomorrow will be my longest mileage ever! I am so full of emotion today that I feel like a zanex would be nice about now...... I am scared, excited, worried, sad, and just a barrel of nerves all over. I am worried about eating right today and tonight so that I am well fueled and I am hoping I sleep tonight, I am sad that my kids could care less about my running because it would require them to get up early, excited to be a part of the 30K group, and just nervous about the whole thing..... Can I finish? I can finish, but I am worried about being last. I don't EVER want to be last at anything I do. Childhood drama I guess brought that on..... I was always the skinny, uncoordinated kid who was never picked to be on any team at school. I hated playing games because they laughed I had no ability. So now I want to succeed so badly that it kills me at the thought of being last. I know there is nothing wrong with it. Believe me, I would rather be last than not able to do it at all. In not wanting to be last, I get so caught up with nerves that I think I mentally block my ability. I am going to repeat all day, I am a runner and I will finish and I won't be last and if I am, it is ok! I DID IT! Once I do this I am only 8 miles away from 26.2..... I am almost there... that is an even scarier thought. I can't even imagine what Nov 8 with be like for me... I might need a whole bottle fo zanex to calm the nerves!

So to anyone reading this with nothing to do tomorrow or with some time to spare, come on over to Salem Lake (8 a.m.) and cheer Team Evolve on! I think almost all of us are running the 10K or 30K.... It will be a blast! Tamara and I will be ones with some form of pink shirts on... So TEAM EVOLVE, I think we should all wear pink! I hear it makes for great photo opportunities.


Kay said...

First of all I think the guys will look great in pink! Only real men wear pink.

I know how you feel about cheating. This has been a hard journey for me walking and riding a bike just knowng I feel like a horse in the gate ready to run. I just keep thinking I shouldnt run so I will be better in January so I can kick your skinny butt.

Good luck tomorrow you'll do GREAT :)

Happyrunningbunny said...

Rest and recovery is an important part of training so you would be cheating if you DIDN'T take some time for recovery!! And I don't even know why you would think you would be last because trust me, we won't be close to being last. I don't know why you are so nervous, it must be because it is a "race", just think of it being no different from our usual weekend long runs and you'll be fine.

Dena said...

I was debating between a yellow shirt and a pink shirt for tomorrow. I guess I know what my choice will be...