Overcoming Fear

My fear of water is really beginning to hinder my progress. Today I had Masters Swim again and what I am finding is that the anxiety of going is taking a toll on me. I am nervous, I am aggitated and can be down right mean I guess. Just ask John.

I have been trying to tell myself to relax that I am not going to drown, there are plenty of people and a life guard if something does go wrong, just breath! Yes that simple, just breath! No, not so simple for someone who at the age of 39 is trying to overcome a life long fear of water. Why won't it go away? What in my head stops me when I seem to be making progress? I just want to cry! I want to sit on the side of the pool like a baby and cry because the fear is screaming at me while I am trying.

I watch all these other people gliding through the water with ease and then there is me. I want to be that person gliding. I want to swim all the yardage she sets out on her little dry erase board and then the FEAR stops me again!

I am not quiting! I will beat this somehow. I just don't know how, but I am! I am going to try and find a book today at lunch. I am assuming the self help section will have plenty. I can't believe I am reduced to a self help book!

Sometimes it is just not your day!

Today was the second of my third indoor tri. I have followed the training and up until yesterday thought I would be well prepared for it. I did go off my schedule a tad bit, I ran 8 miles yesterday and it was supposed to be an off day. OK I varied the schedule alot. I just really had missed running with my group on Saturdays and thought I would go and only do a mile or two. Well 8 later and I was finished. The rest of the day I rested did that count? I had dinner last night with my most of my running group and thought I got to bed early. Yeah you can go to bed but unless you go to sleep it really doesn't help. John told Ally she could have friends come over. You know the rest. At 4:30 a.m. I finally closed my eyes. I could of strangled all those girls.

To put it nicely, I SUCKED it up good today. I can't tell you where the breakdown happened but it did. It is over, I got my finishers slip and I am just chalking it up a too good workout and move on.

She is here

The long awaited birth of my newest running partner is here. Evelyn Marie McKnight was born 02-20-09 at 1:03 a.m. Weighing in at 9 lbs 8oz.

Mom, dad and baby doing well. You can see more pictures by clicking on the link to the right, Baby to be.

Waiting to meet my new running partner

Today is the day that I am supposed to get a new a running buddy. Sorry old running buddies, nothing against you but I have been waiting 9 months for this one. Yes my friend Jessica aka favorite running buddy (because she was the first) is having a baby. I lost Jessica this past season due to pregnancy and I am so ready for her to have little ladybug as we have affectionately called her for the last oh I don't know 5months so we can run in the mornings again. Jessica is at the hospital and has been all day waiting to deliver. So hurry up already! Ha ha easy for me to say I am sitting at a computer!

Once I have pictures I will post them. I am so excited mainly due to the fact I get my morning running buddy back and we are adding one. Now we just need to get Rod and his double jog stroller with us and watch out Adams Farm the stroller runners are coming! I think I will have to learn to push a jog stroller, yeah just not up that hill that we hate so much. I want to that woman that runs by everyone pushing the stroller like it is nothing even if it isn't my baby! Yes I know I am dreaming.......

Update to come with pictures later.

So hard to eat properly!

In training the two hardest things for me are strenght training and eating properly. Strength training mainly because I hate it. Worse than the treadmill I hate it! I know I need it and it will help me in the long run but getting me to actually do it is like pulling teeth! The other and probably the most important is nutrition. I like food and food likes me. We definitely have a love hate relationship. I hate that I love food so much!

Today of course on my workout schedule is what, yes strenght training. I am going to try to do it. I say try lightly only because I have been sick and I still just don't feel well. So that is my excuse and I am sticking to it! If I feel better as the day goes on, yes I will go after work and do it. I PROMISE!

Nutrition is another subject. Suzanne is trying to help me with this but when she says I can't have the second pack of chicken nuggets it just makes me not like her very much! I am hungry,I need it, I want it! I really do love to eat. I always have! So therefore I have always struggled to be this size! Not a size I would like to be and I have lost 40lbs since I started running but I am stuck. So time to listen to someone on how to eat correctly. Don't anyone start sending me diet information, I will block you from my email! Just kidding. I guess this is really going to be more of an advertisement than anything though. I was introduced to these fabulous breakfast cookies by Erin Baker's. OMG... They are delicious. They have a website www.bbcookies.com that you can check out their other products. The brownies are great as well. You can go by Off N Running and they sell the breakfast cookies there. Emily will be more than happy to help you with cookies or anything else you might be looking for. I just ordered my next batch from them. I have seen that this helps me eat breakfast as I tend to skip this meal alot and let coffee be my main source of nutrition in the morning. Yes I know breakfast is the most important meal of the day. So thanks to Erin Baker's and their cookies, I am getting a good start. My favorite flavor so far is Morning Glory! Hard to describe but it has fruits and nuts in it and it is absolutely wonderful. I just finished Gingerbread which is a seasonal flavor but it is also good, but so it Chocolate Chunk (Vegan), Banana Nut, Pumpkin Spice ok they are all good. Told you I like food!

I am really going to work on strength training and eating better. Wish me luck!

We have had this conversation before!

My body and I have this same conversation several times a year. I don't have time to be sick and hurting. I have been sick this past week but I was feeling a little better until this morning. Yes today was Masters Swim. I thought I would give it a try and I did. Not much of one once I learned you can't breath very well underwater with a stuffy nose and clogged up lungs! Justine was kind enough to let me just do kickboard work. I also did some streamline backstroke, very well I might add. If nothing else, I can float! However, my legs were already tight from Sunday and Monday's workout. Now my legs are so stiff they hurt!

I am supposed to run with my girls tonight. Which I am so looking forward to since I haven't been able to run during the week with them. I have missed them and today is my first night back with them in a long time. I hope someone in the group will be nice enough to run slow with me. I don't think the legs are gonna let me do any kind of pace worth talking about. I am really wondering if the legs are going to let me run at all. This is one of those game time decisions! So Kay be looking for a last minute text from me.

On top of all this I have my second indoor tri on Sunday. The conversation I referred to in the title is the one I have with my body often about me not having time for all this sickness and pain. Suck it up and move on!

St. Valentine Massacre

Today was the St. Valentine Massacre Marathon Relay that is held at Country Park. This is my second year running it and after it is over my body always ask why we do it. My legs are killing me right now. My face got sunburned, yes in February you can get a tan here in North Carolina and tonight they are calling for possible icy conditions. Crazy I know.

Team ALEVE (how appropriate) consisted of John and Pam Connor, me and my friend Richard Needham. Richard is an excellent runner, way better than I would ever dream of being so I feel bad for him that he was on a team with me. John and Pam are just as good so the three of them did great. I will admit I was going to back out as late as yesterday because I have had a cold this week and just didn't feel good. But this morning I woke feeling ok and thought what the heck... Yeah what the heck you can't breath without wheezing but you should be able to run really fast for 1.6 miles, then you get a rest. No problem...... Well it wasn't much a problem thanks to Marisa's mom and the use of her inhaler. Yes the asmatic leaves home without her inhaler. What in the world was I thinking. Obviously not thinking. But two puffs and I was good to go for 3 more rounds. John went with me and was going to run if needed but he ended up on a team with our friend Christine Flowe and he had a blast. I am glad! Because all I heard for the three days is I wish I were on a team. So thank goodness the boy got his team.

If you have never run a marathon relay, I would suggest doing it one time. It is a blast! Of course the hardest part is cooling down just to have to turn around and do it again, but if you are like me, you are so busy visiting with people that your time goes by so fast you don't even notice it. The part I like the best is seeing people you know and watching them do great as well. The team I was on last year is really glad they dumped me and got new members. They kicked butt! Great job to Chuck, Carrie, Brian and Trish.

I am already looking forward to this race next year. Why I am not sure, I guess I enjoy the pain.

A birthday gift to love

OK I am not that into my birthday. Growing up it was just another day. No big deal made by anyone, we did get to pick the kind of cake we wanted and what we wanted for dinner. My grandmother could make the best cakes in the world. LEMON POUNDCAKE was mine and my brothers pick every time. Well except for the time I got a barbie cake. Not sure what that was about since I hated barbies. A birthday to me just means that I am one year older and one year closer to being what my kids call old. But this year I am not worried about being older at all. I don't feel like a 39 year old woman nor do I think I look 39. Not sure how you are supposed to feel or look at my age but I am happy and that is all that matters.

When it comes to holidays John normally is not a planner. He does his shopping for every holiday the day before. So this year when he told me he knew what he wanted to get me for my birthday I was surprised. My answer is always, don't buy me clothes I want to loose some weight first. Instead we end up at the bike shop looking at tri bikes. OK we are just looking I thought. I talked to Amy at Paceline about women's tri bikes but didn't really think much about it except for the fact that is what I wanted. Well guess what... he got me the bike. It had to be ordered so I don't actually have it yet but it is on it's way. Hopefully by Saturday it will be here and I can get fitted. Thank you John, Jordan and Ally for a birthday present I wanted and will love I just know it!

I am so excited to ride it but I am also dreading learning something new. Aren't I in the process of learning enough (swimming)? I guess it goes to show, you are never to old to learn new tricks!

Masters Swim - I should of thought twice on this one

Today was my first Masters Swim class. Yeah I really didn't know what I was getting into. I wonder if I can stop payment on my check!

The class is twice a week 6 a.m. to 7 a.m. I have a problem getting up that early, but nothing I can't work on. I get up, I am ready to go and we are on time. Of course there are people already out in the pool swimming, warming up, but they are great swimmers and not like me SCARED!

Our instructor Justine, she just really didn't seem to care that this was my first time and that I was new to swimming. OK that was harsh she was very nice to me. I am just frustrated with this whole swim thing so therefore I am going to think everyone is out to get me on it. I feel like everyone is laughing and I know they aren't because the guys this morning were so nice to me and encouraging (Thanks Bob and Jeff)! I was ready to quit and not come back. They convinced me to keep at it. So that is what I will do! Melissa, I am gonna need my "No More Excuses" necklace back for a while please.....

I need to just suck this up that I can't do it right now but one day it will come and stop the baby crying about it..... OK when I stop crying (literally) I will let you all know......

I am a TRIATHLETE!

As you know I have been doing a 10 week triathlon training program. Today's indoor triathlon is the goal that we working towards. I made it here and now I can't wait to share the experience of my first indoor triathlon with my groupies.

An indoor triathlon consist of a 10 min. swim, a 20 min bike and 20 min run. Of course your on a stationary bike and a treadmill (aka dreadmill). This morning we get up and go to the Spears Y in Greensboro and get ready to participate in an event that to some may seem like a breeze but to me was a test of what I could push my body to do. Granted the time is not that long and your probably thinking well it is only a 10 min swim , a 20 min bike and a 20 min run. Well KUDOS to you for thinking how simple it is,you should of joined us. John and I had separate times so that I didn't feel the need to compete with him. He went at 10 and I was at 10:30. We volunteer up until time to go and warm up in the pool. I am in the pool ready to warm up and I am trying to relax and find my inner peace with the water. I thought I had it. I felt good. I slept good last night and I ate good this morning. Everything I thought I was supposed to do. I feel well trained! Then I look down at a guy that goes to our Y and he and his wife are talking and she nods toward me and he says to her "don't worry I have seen her swim"! Can you believe the nerve! I can't and me being me, I let it get to me! So time to start and I get my first 50 meters in and then I don't know what happened. Well I do, I forgot to breath and then I went a couple more strokes and my heart rate was so high, I just panicked! If you know anything about panicking in the water it is not a nice feeling at all. I flipped over to back stroke so that I could catch my breath and well I never caught it. I never found that inner peace with the water. So to say the least I backed stroked 250 meters.... I wanted to cry. I was humiliated at the fact that I forgot all that I learned and that I couldn't swim! Oh well. Thank God Suzanne was there to remind me that the swim part was over and that I was moving on to two sports that I am stronger at. "Turn that frown upside down", she says "and go ride that bike!" I go and ride that bike! I get off the bike, my legs feeling like limp noodles, change my shoes and I go to the treadmill. I run! I am running at a good pace for me and here comes you know who that says "this is your last 90 seconds, is that as fast as you can go"? Well no it isn't... So I push it up to 7.9 on the treadmill and I run for 90 seconds.... Ok beside the fact that my lungs felt like they would explode, I was finished with my first triathlon. I am a triathlete! That just sounds so weird to say but I am darn proud of it. Out of 24 women I came in 16th.

Of course most of my training group was there and the support you get from everyone is priceless. Biggest Kudos goes out to my friends John and Pam who raced today and they both have been sick. They did great and I am proud of them. I am proud of everyone but the three of us, just learned to swim together, were the rest of the group already knew how and just needed to get faster. Which they did. Great job Triad Tri Team and thanks to everyone for your support and encouragement.

In two weeks, I turn around and do this again!

Could I please get a good nights sleep?

I am so tired today..... The last couple of nights I have not slept good at all. I don't know why, but I wake up about 2 a.m. and I am wide awake unitl about 4:30 - 5:00 a.m. I have thought today about all the reasons I am awake. I wonder if being the mother to a 17 year old girl has anything to do with it or that handsome fellow named Henry (the cat) that has to be as close to me as he possibly can. Those two might be reason. I am thinking the first one is it.

To say the least, I missed my Master's Swim this morning. Something has to change and quick because I really need this class. We had our last swim clinic last night so this was taking it's place in my training

I am going to bed early tonight! Hopefully sleep will come quickly!

I think she wants to fire me!

Hello blogworld. Yes it has been a few days. Don't you just hate that I have nothing to write about? Yeah I know not really. Just seems fun in my mind to think you missed me.

Well here it is the first time mentioned for the world to know. I have hired a Triathlon Coach. Suzanne Duncan gets the great honor of coaching me to my first Half-Ironman in 2010! Yes you read right, Half Ironman. For my other coach friends oh please don't feel bad, I think I spared you! After my first scolding by email I think she wishes I would of picked another coach and is wondering can she fire me. Poor poor Suzanne! I failed to mention I was a control freak.... small detail

I know, I like to think and train big don't I? I have had so much fun training for the indoor tri that I just thought what the heck. You only live once and God only gives us one go around at this thing called life. So I am going to make the most of it as long as He will let me.

Swimming has finally begun to kick in. No I am not fast and can't swim as long as other people or as long as I would like, but 10 weeks ago I never thought I would swim at all. 10 weeks ago, I never thought I would consider myself an endurance athlete but I am. I start Master's Swim on Thursday and will be swimming twice a week with that. Boy that sounds like fun. 6a.m to 7 a.m.......... Oh please can you have coffee ready.

Training takes on a new look now. So hopefully the blog will be interesting. I am sure Suzanne will be cursed on here often. She might want to start a blog of her own to complain about her clients. LOL! No I really like her and I think her personality is just what I need to get me going. I need help getting going that is for sure. My husband has to help get me out the door in the mornings. So John, on those mornings I yell NO at you I don't want to get up, just push me out of bed and make me do it.

My new moto is "the difference between possible and impossible is determination"! I have the determination, lets just see if I have the ability.


Have a great week and stay tuned for the recap of Sunday's event.